Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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