ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
