Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
