I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
