Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
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i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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