Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
