She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
