Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
