Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize