I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He did a backflip because drugs
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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