All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
