time to smoke my breakfast
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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