I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
