Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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