You can't special order awesome
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
