So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
