i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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