You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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