Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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