The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
