My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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