I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
