Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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