You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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