I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
All I want is dick and wine.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
