This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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