Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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