it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
