If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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