Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
