i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
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Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
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you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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