So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
