I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
