So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
