I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
