47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
