He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize