Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
