shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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