Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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