Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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