I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
