can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
