Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we're making bets on your personal life
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
