Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
