I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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