anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
