Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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