Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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