the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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