he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
