shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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