Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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