My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This is the high leading the old right now
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
