Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
