hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
