I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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