Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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