You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wish I only lived at night.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
