No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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