I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
