He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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