So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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