i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
