I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
