I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
