In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
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When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
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I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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